THE LAST MOVE
"He/she moved away, leaving behind so many memories, so many things that belonged to him/her. Maybe you will miss them when you see them, and you will cry when you enter their old space.
Belongings are organised for the betterment of the living and are an opportunity to leave behind fond memories of the deceased.
"He/she moved away, leaving behind so many memories, so many things that belonged to him/her. Maybe you will miss them when you see them, and you will cry when you enter their old space.
Their reminiscent power revives ghosts of the past. There's nothing you can do with those belongings, you can't choose to throw them away because you feel like you're actively shedding the memories associated with him/her. And you don't have the option of leaving them there as they are. Seeing the objects makes you will miss their owner. In short, sadness comes from all directions, you don't know where it comes from, but you're always sad.
A CEREMONY TO HELP YOU HANDLE YOUR EMOTIONS & GET TRADY TO START FACING THE BELONGINGS
A CEREMONY
For the Disposal of Belongings
Early on, you may find many very valid excuses to avoid confronting these items. Perhaps because he/she has just recently left and you can't bear to see your loved one's things, you may not have the time or energy to deal with them. That's fine, go with what you feel inside, but whenever you come back here, I hope it brings you some warmth and direction.
Let's Do It
You're completing a ritual - the ritual of helping the person move for the last time, giving him/her one last ride and wishing him/her a safe journey.
For His/Her Belongings
THE LAST MOVE
By following the process, you may find answers and ways to have the courage to start confronting "his/her" items.
1
EMBRACE YOUR EMOTIONS
The strong emotions you are feeling are reasonable and natural. You may feel off balance and have a strong sense of being out of control and overwhelmed.
We will always ease our grief by avoiding it, avoiding tidying up, fearing belongings and rooms to touch. It's okay, these are all indicative of the love between you and him/her.
Let's try to organise their belongings as if it were the last time they move house in their life, as a housewarming ritual. In the future, they go to the other side of the world where it is freer and broader, where there is no sickness, no human suffering. The ritual will help your emotions find something to hold on to.
2
THERE NEVER REALLY IS A ‘RIGHT TIME’
We will never tell you what time is right and what behaviour is appropriate.
Often, you would think that the deceased's bedroom becomes a shrine. Everything is exactly as it was when he/she still lived there. Grieving, we will spend some time in this room, hoping to be closer to our lost loved ones.
And the fact that we often want to keep their belongings as a way of keeping in touch with them. This is perfectly natural and understandable. I know you worry that disposing of belongings will erase fond memories associated with the person, or even feel guilty about discarding certain items. Reluctance to sort out and wanting to give up is very normal mentalities.
But I must tell you that sometimes, when people finally dispose of the deceased's belongings, they feel a weight lifted and suddenly feel ready for a new beginning.
3
WHEN BELONGINGS TOUCH YOUR EMOTIONS
Looking at things that once belonged to a departed loved one is tricky. It becomes a constant reminder of that special person who is gone for good.
It may take months, and even years to heal after the death of a loved one. Some people find it difficult to move on after such a severe loss. Moving on can be further delayed if you see or touch things that belonged to the departed.
Would seeing these things hold you back from healing? Despite the heartache, try to start looking through the deceased's belongings to determine what is worth keeping.
You might argue that every item is worth keeping. Although memories are associated with physical things, there are ways to keep the memories without drowning in stuff. You don’t need a ton of toys, clothes, or photos to remind yourself of that person. Things are just things. Instead, your mind and heart will hold your memories of your loved one.
Besides, you have to consider that your loved one wouldn't want you to hold on to things that can delay your healing. They want you to move on and remember the good things instead of the sad ones.
4
DECADES-LONG GRIEF
Grief is an emotion that can last for decades. People describe the pain of losing a loved one not as a rainstorm, but as a long, wet rest of life.
The belongings of your loved one should bring you comfort and a chance to connect with him/her, not constant sadness. If these items are causing you great pain, it might be better to approach them in a different way.
5
KEEP US POSTED. YOU’RE READY
When you see every piece of clothing, small ornament, anything, your emotions can be like a dam breaking. Sorting through their belongings will still be painful and it's okay. You need to know that there is more than just sadness in all this grief, there are good memories.
You are trying to move on, and your loved ones likewise want to see that you are becoming positive and a better version of yourself.
Grief is an emotion that can last for decades. People describe the pain of losing a loved one not as a rainstorm, but as a long, wet rest of life.
The belongings of your loved one should bring you comfort and a chance to connect with him/her, not constant sadness. If these items are causing you great pain, it might be better to approach them in a different way.
6
THE SUPPORT & ADVICE THE PROVIDE
If you're ready, you can start to think about the way you want to organise your belongings, we've provided three ways and suggestions. There is no need to decide in a hurry, you can browse through the detail page to choose the way that you think will help you the most.
SOME VOICES
From The Bereaved
Rummaging through clothes
Mom stood in front of the wardrobe
Rummaging through Grandma and
Grandpa's clothes
Top to bottom
Left to right
Mom
What are you doing?
I'm touching my
Mom and Dad
From：Wuwei
Grandpa and grandma's items
My grandpa didn't have any special hobbies, but he always liked to write brush characters and do poems every day as long as he had time.
The ink for brush writing was always very light because it was watered down. Grandpa was so frugal that he tried to save the ink.
Grandpa's items
Grandma's high school passes, neatly folded by her, were kept that way for over 50 years.
Grandma was a high school student in the 1940s and there weren't as many opportunities to go to college in their day. She was limited by the thinking of her time, but she never gave up and quietly persevered and waited in her own way.
Grandma's items
Grandma's mobile phone was kept in a spectacle case so that she could touch the big box to find it when she needed it.
Grandma remembers to charge her mobile phone, often instructing it to charge for just 3 hours at a time. She could then get calls from the kids and watch the clock waiting for them to come home.
Grandma's items