SORTING OUT ALONE
& FAMILIES or FRIENDS
CONTINUE THE CEREMONY
For the Disposal of Belongings
You have chosen to keep this rite of passage to yourself and those close to you. It is surely the right choice for you, as you are braving this painful love mixed with warmth.
Continue
For His/Her Belongings
FIND A GOOD HOME
During the process of sorting through the belongings, you may be lost, overwhelmed, and have emotional ups and downs when you see some of the items. Here are some guidelines that will hopefully give you and your family and friends some help and strength to better organise the belongings of your loved ones.
STEP1
Think about sorting out belongings alone & with the families or friends
It's a big, exhausting job, so you need to do a self-check. Is it something that you want to handle on your own? Would you want familiar faces to lend you some support?
SORTING OUT BELONGINGS ALONE
Possibly dealing with unpleasant memories and intense sadness at a time when you wish to be alone. Or maybe you want to protect the privacy of a loved one. But you can also try telling your close friend about your decision and what you're getting ready to start so that you'll be able to call him when you're in desperate need of an emotional hug halfway through.
THE COMPANY OF FAMILY OR FRIENDS
Do you plan to have the emotional support of family and friends while doing this task? Then you need to identify the people to share the experience with. Note that having too many people with you is not recommended. This is an intimate moment, so having people you can trust is essential.
Ask two or three friends at most to be there for you. Their company can prevent you from drowning in grief or blanking out. Give you some positive dialogue and most importantly give you a warm hug anytime during the process.
Let someone else handle specific things that can trigger more pain. For example, you may ask a trusted relative to deal with things in the bedroom. If you become teary-eyed at the sight of your mother’s kitchen, a close friend may help pack away cooking utensils for you
STEP2
Preparations to be made
Well, if you are prepared, let's see what kind of surprises he/she has left for us.
FOLLOW THE LAST WILL
Ideally, your loved one should have a last will. Following the stipulations of the will is a good idea. You can start sorting the items stated on the will first. Once you get that done, you can handle the remaining possessions. You can get help from the lawyer who created the will if you have any questions about it.
HAVE A CLEAR PLAN AND BE READY
Do you have a lot of rooms to organise? It is not something that would be over within a few hours. Instead, it will take days and even weeks to get everything organized.
Be prepared for emotions to come in powerful waves. They may weaken your resolve to let go of certain things. You may even be tempted to stop sorting as the memories become too hard to bear. These emotions can be triggered by going through your loved one's belongings. If it's too much for you, set aside that particular item and come back to it later.
BE READY FOR STRONG EMOTIONS
Because there are a lot of things you might want to take pictures of, you can even choose to video the ceremony as a memento.
HAVE YOUR MOBILE PHONE AND CAMERA READY
Sorting entails having storage and packing materials readily available. These boxes need to be appropriately labeled: keep, donate, or dispose. NOTE, another category that can help you decide when you're indecisive: items you can't decide on a moment's notice.
HAVE PLENTY OF PACKING MATERIALS
A
This could be the item that best represents the deceased in your mind, it could be his favourite clothes, it could be his usual cup of tea, and the watch he carried with him.
You'll definitely keep it.
B
Some items that still have material value. You don't think you need them anymore, but they still have a use, and we'll guide you in helping them find the right home.
These items still have value, but you decided not to keep them.（Donation）
C
These items have no use（dispose）
You think no one will need it, and you can decide you don't want it anymore.
D
These items with meaning and stories, you may not be able to decide for a while what to do with him, do not get too wrapped up in it at this point. Put them in a box and come back to them later.
Some items you can't decide on at the moment
Start organising and sorting
In order to make the process of starting your sorting clearer and not a mess in the face of grief. You can start organising by going through several categories, one after the other, which will basically include all of one's belongings.
STEP3
CLOTHES
Clothes may be a huge part of his/her belongings, and you'll be reminded of a day you had with him because you saw a certain piece of clothing. But a lot of these clothes are things that you may not be able to reuse. It's okay to keep the clothes that you feel best represent "him/her". You can even make a doll out of the clothes to keep you company. If you don't need the clothes anymore, put them in a box and trust me, they will find their value again.
LIVING GOODS
There are a lot of odds and ends that carry traces of his use and you may want to keep everything. Some items you can continue to use, and some things have sentimental value. As long as you have room for it and it doesn't hinder you from healing, then keep it.
But try to leave only those things that he used the most, that represent him, and those that you can continue to use. For the rest you can use your phone, or camera to take photos to record and save the photos, In the next step we will guide you to express your emotions.
PHOTOS
& FLIES
Keeping photos of your loved ones is very meaningful and you can try to prepare a photo album. Put photos that evoke memories in it and it will form a wonderful space to hide in the album when you want to connect with him.
In the information age of social media and the internet, handwritten information is invaluable. If he left letters, try to make a collection of them instead of separating them one by one. Through it you can touch a certain moment of his/her life, a certain mood, albeit one-sided, they allow you to understand him/her better
SHARED ITEMS
Items that you can continue to use for communal use can be kept. It may feel sad and hard to get used to at first, but it will get better with time. These items will be integrated into your future life and he/she will be there to keep you going.
STEP4
How to dispose?
It's fantastic that you've made it this far. At this point in time, you should be getting praise for the fact that you have sorted out your loved one's belongings. You should be proud of yourself that you have organised your intertwined lives. You missed him and pined for him/her in the process, and you expressed your love and dismay.
GUILTY CONSCIENCE
Guilt is often associated with disposing of the deceased’s belongings. You may get a nagging feeling that deciding to donate or discard things is disrespectful. Remember: disposing of things does not mean that you no longer care for the deceased person. It also does not mean that you disregard the memories associated with these things. So don't be guilty about moving on.
SORTED BOXES
Now you should have in front of you differently sorted boxes, souvenirs - that you decide to keep, those that still have value - that you are able to donate, and items that have no value - that you decide to throw away. The hardest box to solve should be - items you can't decide on at the moment. That's okay, check out the advice we have for you.
MEMORABILIA
You've decided to stay
Gifts From him/her
DISPOSE
Items have no use
Moving forward
VALUABLE
Someone needs them
Continuation of life
MEANINGFUL
You can't decide now
Recollections
MEANINGFUL ITEMS
REMAKE
Would like to make special memorabilia from these belongings. For example, samples of his signature customised in jewellery, and dolls made from the clothes he always wore.
CREATE HIS/HER PERSONAL PROFILE
Create a personal profile for him/her as a secret space between you and him/her. Write a story between you and meaningful belongings
CONNECT CHARITY
There are already some items that you have decided where they will go, but there are still some items that need to find a new home. Resist the temptation to hoard these items. Don’t turn your home into a place that's haunted by memories and grief.